Wednesday, February 6, 2008

today you are two months old

Dear Seth,

I can't believe how quickly two months have gone by, and how much you have changed in such a short time.

Heather Armstrong at Dooce writes a letter to her daughter, Leta, every month telling her what has happened to her, and how she has grown in the last month. I hate to be a copycat, but it's just such a darned good idea that I think I'll borrow it. Hey, at least I'm citing my references. Besides, you will learn as you grow older that I'm the kind of person who is great at starting things - really wonderful at jumping into stuff with vim and vigour - but the truth is I suck at finishing anything. Just ask your Grammie and Grumps. And your Dad. So I know myself, and I'm fairly confident that despite my best intentions you will never have a proper baby book or scrap book. This website will probably be it, so I'm darned well going to do it right.


One of the best things we did in the last month was to go to Ottawa to meet your new cousin, Lochlan. You two will have so much fun playing together when you get bigger. I am so happy to have Krista and Lochlan on a parallel path to ours. I love that Krista and I have been talking more fequently on the phone, and are able to share so much of this journey. If only we lived closer!


Ever since you were born you've been a great sleeper. Seriously, you've slept all night every night of your life, waking only for feeds. We've been lucky. We've been blessed. We are so so thankful to you for this. However, you pretty much suck at naps. In the last few weeks I've been fighting with you over naptime practically every day. If I put you down and you are not ready, you cry. And if I don't come tend to you, you work yourself up, right into hysterics. Then as I try to calm you down so you might, just might sleep, you do this thing where you hold your breath - as if you can keep yourself from sleeping if you don't breathe. In this last week I feel like I've really gotten somewhere with this nap issue. It is a matter of catching you in that briefest of moments when you are starting to get tired but are not yet truly tired. That moment lasts about 0.36 seconds and it's tough to catch, but if I can, then you will sleep with both eyes shut for at least 45 minutes. When you do, I feel like it's a gift and I treasure it.

Thanks for bearing with me over the last couple of weeks as we have shaken things up a bit and started to (*gasp!*) use cloth diapers. Your Dad isn't so into it, but as you'll find out as you grow older, he's a good sport and he is indulging me by giving cloth diapering his best shot. So far you seem completely unfazed by the change. I don't know what it is about it, but I love the cloth. The only drawback to it that I see is that it makes your butt look big. This somehow does not bother you. You're lucky you're not a girl or you would be developing a complex right now.


In only one month I have to go back to work. The idea of this kills me. I just want to be with you all the time, and it bothers me that I spend so much of our precious time together planning for when I will leave you with someone else. Pumping breast milk, helping Grumps build you a play room in our basement, trying to find a nanny. It's all so that I can feel like when I go to work you will be just as safe, happy and healthy as when you are with me.

Physically your growth amazes me. Of course from one day to the next I don't notice a difference in your size, but just today I was cradling you in my arms (something you don't like very much anymore) and realized just how much bigger you have become. And it's not only your size, but your strength and coordination has come a long way, too. Tummy time, which used to be a war, is now a delight. You hold yourself up on your elbows and look around like you are enjoying this world around you so much. And since you have started to take an interest in the baby in the mirror, you make all sorts of fun noises to talk to him. Where you used to flail about on your playmat, waving your arms and occasionally (very accidentally) batting your toys overhead, you now control your arm movements more and hit those toys on purpose.

As you become more verbal, you express all your joy and all your anger much more loudly than ever before. You still coo gently at me, and at your toys, but sometimes you surprise all of us (even yourself) with a really loud screech that sometimes even sounds like a laugh. And believe me, when you are angry, you let us know that too! Your angry cry is so loud and your tiny little fists pound against my chest like the world is so unfair and my heart breaks a little and I just want to hold you and protect you from that evilness forever.

People told me that I would blink and you would be all grown up, and I can see now how that could be. I'm sure when you hit the terrible toddler years I will be blinking like crazy, just hoping that the next time I open my eyes you'll be over it, but for now I just want to keep my eyes on you all the time. I don't want to miss anything.

Love,
Mummy

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