Seth!: March 2008

Dear Seth,

So here we are, you turning three months old, and me dreading all the implications of this: my twelve weeks of maternity leave is OVER. Do we have a nanny for you? NO. Am I stressed out about this? I don't think I even need to answer that question. We have interviewed five people in person, about a dozen by phone, and probably two or three times as many over email. Truth is, I was happiest with our very first interview and I'm disappointed that she took another job. Luckily I have a little bit of time to play with since I'm only back to work part time for the first month. But on to more interesting topics!

So right now we are in Arizona, visiting your Dad's home state, hometown, home home. We are happy to be able to visit, but sad to think it will be our last visit for a long time. We flew into Tucson and were met by your grandparents, whom you were meeting for the first time. What a lovely reunion! Your Grandma and Grandpa have gone all-out in making sure you have everything you need to be happy and comfortable here, and you are dealing with this new situation very well. Besides, with a Grandma and Grandpa doting on you as they are, what can possibly be bad with that situation?

So part and parcel with your trip to Arizona came a number of other firsts: first plane ride (you were awesome - slept most of the way), first glimpse of the sun (what the heck is sun?), and first time meeting many of your Dad's childhood and medical school friends (you were a smash hit - we expect a rash of pregnancy announcements soon :). Also, just today you met your Uncle Colin! He is so in love with you. We can't wait for you to also meet your Aunt Andrea tomorrow.

Prior to this big trip, we also took a few more small ones. You are one well-traveled baby! You and I suckered Grammie into coming to Washington D.C. with us so I could go to a conference. That was an interesting taste of business travel with infant... We are so lucky to have a Grammie who is willing to do this - hang out in a boring old hotel with not-so-boring you. Business travel would be so much more convenient if I weren't breastfeeding, but I am totally dedicated to the task, and Grammie is there to support me in that - Thanks Grammie!

We also spent another week traveling to Ottawa - our last chance, really, before I go back to work. As usual, we had a lovely time but spent too much time visiting people - although rewarding, it is not so relaxing. On the bright side, you did meet some people for the first time: brand new Joshua Porter being one. And as I posted earlier, we actually got to go to the Rideau Canal with Krista and Lochlan - what fun! It was a lovely day for it. You also got to meet my good friend Jess, and her hubby Ben (whom you LOVED!). Jess is due in June, and we can't wait for you and her baby girl to meet!

I've been reflecting a lot lately on motherhood and how it feels. Your Great-Aunt Barb asked both Krista and me "So, does it feel like second nature yet?" My first gut reaction was NO WAY, but Krista answered "Well, I don't know.. it just sort of feels like it's always been this way." And she's right. And for some reason, as I think back on this transition into motherhood, I remember something I used to say when I was a teenager and knew everything: "All mothers are nuts. When you become a mom it's like something inside you breaks, and you become insane." Now that I am on the other side of the fence, as it were, I still kind of feel that way. Yeah, moms (including me) are all crazy. It's an immutable fact, like gravity, that you will learn as you go through your life. And I do still liken this transition process to a breaking of sorts... through childbirth, a very physical breaking. But you know, it's not like the breaking of Humpty Dumpty, or of fine china; it's more like how you have to break the inner glass vial in a glowstick so the light can shine out.