I don't know what happened, baby, but the day you turned five months old being a mother became really HARD. You have not stopped being an easy and delightful baby, but for some reason this all just became really exhausting and overwhelming to me. I think that as long as everything was going okay, "doing it all" was easy. But all of a sudden you started to eat 50% more per bottle-feeding than you used to, and right about the same time I started producing about 50% less milk per pumping session at work. Right then "doing it all" became really really hard. And that is only the first of our traumas for this, your sixth month!
I love being a mom, and I love my job, but having to split myself between both worlds makes me feel like I'm not doing either one of those things to the best of my abilities. And that makes me feel kinda crummy, ya know? Coincidentally, one of the vice presidents at my company recently resigned/stepped down because she felt she was not able to spend enough time with her young boys. To top it off, on our way back from our most recent trip to Canada I heard a program on either CBC or NPR about multitasking, and it gave this one example of a little girl who had just made a momentous discovery involving colours and couldn't wait to share it with her dad. Unfortunately he was so busy doing so many other things that he couldn't give her the proper time and attention to celebrate her discovery. The program went on to say that children understand at a surprisingly young age when they are being ignored, or are at least not being given undivided attention. My guilt is now complete; I am officially a Mom.
As a result of the whole world food crisis - your world, that is - we have got you started on big boy food. This was a tough decision for me to make, because I really wanted to do the right thing by you and exclusively breastfeed to 6 months. Alas, you apparently had other things in mind. So we started you off with rice cereal (not a big hit), and quickly moved you on to bananas which remain one of your best foods. We can even mix some rice cereal in with your bananas and you don't freak out - that's how much you like bananas. Avocados were your next food, and I must say that I'm impressed with how much you have taken to them. After avocados came applesauce, followed by oatmeal cereal, sweet potato, butternut squash, prunes, peaches and peas. That's pretty good for 3 weeks of solids! Too bad that big boy food has to come with all the trials and tribulations of big boy poop!
We have also given you a sippy cup with a bit of water in it, which you took to quite nicely. Well, let me qualify that: I don't think you have actually figured out that there is any liquid in there, but you sure do like to grab both handles in your little hands and chew on the sippy part! As impressed as we are with your ability to get the proper part in your pie-hole at least more than half of the time, I think it might be a while yet before you figure out that theres good stuff inside to be had. In the meantime, you are learning quite quickly how to drink from an adult cup, which is kind of neat!
Now maybe the fierce chewing on the sippy cup should have clued us in (it didn't), but not two weeks after starting solids you have cut your first tooth! Your second one followed within days, and now you have these two tiny little bottom teeth protruding through your gums. Most babies, when they begin teething, get really fussy. They cry a lot, become feverish and inconsolable. But you? No. We didn't even realize you were teething until I poked my finger into your mouth one mealtime and was surprised by these new sharp things in your mouth!
This may not have been our most stress-free month, but there have been some very magical developments. For the first time, it really feels like you know us for who we are. When Dad or I come home after work, you express such huge joy at seeing us that we forget how tough or tiring our day has been. Your smile becomes wider than your face, you flap your arms in excitement, you screech and coo, and just recently you have started reaching out your arms to us. This kind of unfettered love and total devotion warms the heart like nothing else. I hope you know that when we pick you up and you wrap your arms tightly around our necks, when we squeeze you back and snuggle our faces into your neck, that we feel that complete and perfect love right back at you.
Has this been an easy month? No way. Has it been worth it?
Love,
Mummy
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